Friday, March 8, 2013

Everyone, meet Herman. Herman, meet everyone.

Hello snail mailers! Did you miss me? The six people who still read this blog may have noticed that I failed to update my blog last week. It's not my fault, I swear. The earth swallowed me up, spit me out somewhere, and it took me almost 10 days to find my way back home. And then, I immediately jumped onto my computer to write this blog post, because THAT's how dedicated I am.

So, you know what I thought a lot about this week? I talk a lot about the apocalypse, particularly one where zombies run amok, but what would happen to mail if an apocalypse really happened? Who would deliver the mail? Who would sell us stamps? Where would we buy ink and pens?! Won't someone think of the mail children?!!! 

Maybe we should figure out a communication/mail system for an apocalyptic scenario. Because if TV/movies are any indication, an apocalypse is looming just around the corner. My money is on 2036 because I know those pesky Observers are coming... At least I hope the apocalypse hits, because if it doesn't happen, then my obsessive stock piling of toilet paper just looks foolish. BUT, if it does come, you're going to be knocking down my door for toilet paper and who is going to look foolish then, huh?! (it's still me, isn't it? Darn it, that always happens!)

I know it's generally fun and games at Please Deliver To, but I am 100% serious and in earnest here. Here is my suggested plan for mail delivery come the apocalypse: we start training snails to deliver mail.


It's time to take back the literal meaning of snail mail. I figure snails are the perfect mail delivery system because no creature—zombie, vampire, oversized goat, or otherwise—is going to mess with them because they have a shell. All that work for such little meat? NO WAY.

My snail will be named Herman and I will train Herman to deliver all my mail. Of course, he'll probably take 23 years to deliver a letter (what do you expect? He's still just a snail!), but it'll get there. Everyone knows that post by (literal) snail is the most reliable service there is.

What will your snails be named? I ask this because I need to input the info regarding your snails into my security system. Otherwise I won't get your mail. I mean, not just anyone can get past my "Stop right there! This means you!" signs. That's top-notch security right there. Even Fort Knox is jealous.

What are your thoughts on how mail can be delivered during the apocalypse?


Mail from my Sushi, who has abandoned me for sunny beaches in Mexico

A thank you card from Sauni-Rae (check out that squirrel drawing! Awesome!)

Fox postcard from Nora

I love that yorkshire gold makes Jess think of me. So much so that she creates a postcard out of the empty box and sends it my way.

Mail from Vanessa in the UK

These Jane Austen stamps from Royal Mail are amazing and I need a whole set for my life to be complete.

World traveling from Sarah

It's Rhiannon!


A thank you note for Louisa

Moustachio Mail for the ever lovely Kay

I'm bringing sexy back for Jess

I can't think of a semi-clever title for this envelope, but it's for Mary

Global tracking for Kimmie

French tulips for Julie in MI. Why French? Because it's classier.

And that's it from me! What have you been up to these past few weeks? Fill me in! Oh. and also, have a great week!


  1. I have a plan for the apocalypse, it's called Kevin Costner.

    1. OH. MY. WORD. This is such an excellent comment. And an excellent plan. I like it!

  2. Love the triangle bunting surrounding my name! Can't wait to get it. :-) Have a great weekend!

  3. On the subject of snails: my dad put nail varnish on the back of some snails in the garden to see if they'd return another day. THEY DID.

    1. Oh, your dad is apparently way ahead of me in the training snails plan, because everyone knows that the first step is to make sure you're training the *same* snails. Nicely played, Rhiannon's dad, nicely played. :)

  4. This is great!!! Now I have to put "painting snails with nail polish" on my bucket list!! lol

  5. Wow amazing mail like always. I love the first letter so very different then anything I ever seen.

  6. Snail delivery service! Brilliant idea! I think I'd have a small troop of snails, one to carry the mail (he would be called Cuthbert, I think), one to be organised and make sure Cuthbert had all the mail and snacks for the journey (called Deidre), a handsome snail to rescue lost mail, damsels (damsnails?) in distress etc called Benedict and Mrs. Overall, the snail that cleans up after everyone else (those who have ever seen Acorn Antiques will be familiar with Mrs. O)!

    Failing that, if Kevin Costner is spoken for can I have Patrick Stewart please? He can recite Shakespeare to me...

    1. Damsnails! AH! I love it. I now have to figure out how to slip that into regular conversation all the time.

      YAY! THIS is what I'm talking about--if we start talking about snail delivery service NOW, we'll have it perfected for the future. And it appears that you are also way ahead of me and now I have to rethink my plan to just train one snail...I've got to think larger...because as you've pointed out, snail mail delivery really is a team effort!

      Excellent stuff and I've now logged Cuthbert, Deidre, Benedict, and Mrs. O into my list of "acceptable creatures who can cross my 'do not cross' invisible threshold."

      Absolutely! I consider Patrick Stewart yours. However, if we're laying claim to handsome men, I need to stake my claim on Richard Armitage before someone else beats me to the punch.

    2. Be proud, I did get the word damsnails into a conversation today but nobody noticed...

  7. LAURA! Have you heard of the Envelope Punch Board? Google it! It looks sooooooo cool. It basically makes making envelopes super easy and fast!!! Had to share, cheers!

  8. It's hard to decide what's more awesome about this letter--the letter itself, the zebra goodies inside (OMG, THERE'S EVEN ONE IN PINK!), or the moustachioed packaging. I've never seen an envelope with facial hair before! :D

  9. Hi. How do I look for and become penpals with someone?
    I love paper, writing and crafts {among my other hobbies} :)

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