Friday, October 5, 2012

Hannibal Le(c)t-ter!

I went from no thoughts last week—big thanks to Katri who was kind enough to lend me her thoughts free of charge (what a gem!)—to tons of random thoughts about mail. Here are a few of them:

1)    Why are there so many envelopes in letter sets? For example, in a 16-20 page letter set, I might get a dozen envelopes. But I usually write 6-12 page letters so that leaves me with ten or so envelopes that I can never use. And trust me, I’ve tried using envelopes are replacement items for lots of things. I've learned that envelopes are rubbish when used as: face cleanser, toilet paper (holy rash-aroni), flour substitute for baking (worst muffins ever), condiments, reinforcement for forts (Fort Knox, it was not), and sound insulation.

2)    I haven’t heard from a few penpals in a while so what's an appropriate time to wait before flying to their city and waving to them from their backyard sending a “Hello Penpal! How are you?” note. Four months? Five? Six? I understand that life gets busy and I don't mind at all when penpals take a while to respond. However, it's impossible to know the difference between a) busy penpal who can't write b) missing letter and c) penpal who doesn't want to write you anymore. So I always want to send a hello note that has an ulterior motive of trying to figure out "Hey, did you get my letter? Do you still want to write?" But I'm unsure of an appropriate time to wait because I don't want my penpal to feel obligated to write asap if the case is situation A. What do you guys think? Do you ever send follow-up notes if you haven't heard from a penpal for a while?

[For the record, I completely understand if and when penpals no longer want to write me. I just ask that they let me know, instead of not writing ever again. Send me an email! Subject header: You're too creepy for me. I won't be offended.]

3) Seriously, what happens to letters that go missing? Where do they go? Is there a black hole specifically designed for letters? I write to my 10-year-old niece and recently a letter from her went missing. [As an aside, we live in the same city. I understand, kind of, when mail goes missing across countries, but the same city? C'mon Canada Post.] As a result, we went a few months without correspondence. When we started writing again, I made a joke about how maybe there was a monster who ate the missing letter. My niece responded with this drawing:
Now tell me that isn't the cutest mail-related drawing you've ever seen. So there you have it. According to my niece, letters go missing because of cannibalistic envelopes. So next time you drop an envelope in the mailbox, ask yourself this: did I just drop a hannibal cannibal envelope into an all-you-can-eat buffet?

Incoming:


Check out the way cool holographic killer whale sticker from Holly!








Outgoing:


Screw being Letter Botz #43! I should be Letter Botz NUMERO UNO because, with the exception of the mail I got this week, I caught up on my outstanding mail pile. HUZZAH! I'll have to get a bionic wrist and hand, but that's a small price to pay to get out of my August/September incoming. HUZZAH! [though, I probably shouldn't get too uppity...I realized this week I've been using most of my moustaches upside down for months. Eh. *shrugs* You win some, you're a dumbass in some others.]














And that's it from me.

Q: What does a turkey like to eat on Thanksgiving? 
A: Nothing; they are already stuffed.

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving anyone!

29 comments:

  1. People have asked me the opposite question, because they can't fathom using more than one piece of stationery per envelope. i think they assume you're using 2 at the most for each envelopes. WHICH IS A LIE.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is indeed a lie! I need at least one page to say "hi, how are you?" And another to sign my name! That's barely a letter, don't you think? :)

      Delete
  2. Haha for the upside down moustaches! And haha for Kestral instead of Kestrel!

    But woohoo for being caught up! And woohoo for having thoughts again!

    My answers to your questions:

    1- I don't know and it's so irritating! Which is why I decided to give a few different options to my customers when I started selling my own letter sets.

    2- Hmmm, yeah, maybe 6 months?

    3- I have no idea but I'm just in awe of your niece's drawing. She's Asian, right? Funny drawings must be in her genes.

    And now on to MY question to you Miss Laura:

    WHY ARE YOU UPDATING YOUR BLOG ON A FRIDAY AFTERNOON?! You usually post on Friday nights. You're trying to confuse me, aren't you?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. DAMMIT! I have this weird blind spot when it comes to spelling the name Kestral. DAMMIT! I just spelled it with an "A" again. KestrEL. Thanks for drawing attention to it. This must be real friendship. :)

      Here are my comments to your answers:

      1 - That is why you are so smart! Letter sets with options is genius. Julie, you're a genius. Don't let this go to your head.

      2 - 6 months seems like a good time. Enough time to wait for a response, but enough time to also be like, "HEY! What's going on?!"

      3 - She is indeed Asian. Are you saying that all Asians can do funny drawings? Because I'll tell you that my drawings are DEAD serious.

      And here is my answer to your question:

      I'm full of surprises!!!! I always like to shake things up because predictability is... I dunno, not good or something.

      Here is my question in return:

      If you know that I usually post on Friday nights, WHY ARE YOU CHECKING MY BLOG ON A FRIDAY AFTERNOON?!! Who is the creeper now, huh?!!!

      Delete
    2. Yes, all Asians are good at drawing. That's a fact. And all girls named Julie have a best friend named Laura. Fact.

      And I wasn't even checking your blog every 5 minutes last Friday! I was just browsing on another blog when I saw the link to your blog and it said "updated 2 hours ago" or something like that and I freaked! I almost called the police but I came to my senses pretty quickly. And then I imagined all sorts of things:

      Scenario number 1: Laura quit her job!
      Scenario number 2: Laura updates her blog on the job!
      Scenario number 3: Laura has a day off from work.

      Isn't life fun with me?!

      Delete
    3. I haven't heard from you in more than 12 hours... I'm starting to get withdrawal symptoms. HELP!

      Delete
    4. I think you forgot Scenario number 4: Laura evolves and gains the ability to edit and post from wherever she is, no matter what she is doing. Why didn't that occur to you?

      Oh no, this is getting serious. I knew that I had Julie magnetism powers, but I had no idea they had gotten so bad. Do you need me to tone down the weirdness? I don't want you to get the Laura shakes.

      Delete
    5. Hi Laura, this is a message from Louis-Justin... My mom has been having convulsions on the floor for the last 2 hours, what should I do?!

      Delete
    6. Oh no! It's a good thing you let me know, Louis-Justin! First, tip her on her side so that she doesn't swallow her tongue. And then see if you can get some sushi. Wave it under her nose and I'm sure the smell will make her come to her senses. If she doesn't respond to sushi, then we're really in trouble! Let me know.....

      Delete
    7. Whew, thanks Laura, I'm back! You saved me... And thank you (it's Thanksgiving after all) for teaching my son the most valuable lesson ever: sushi is the answer to every question and the solution to every problem!

      Delete
  3. I love the Carebears envelope! <3

    ReplyDelete
  4. Your in coming and out going mail are truly amazing good great fun cute looking big time.
    I love how you send your stuff in net looking stuff.
    And people really have net looking stuff too wow.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I don't understand the whole envelope thing neither. Thats why i usually buy notepads. No frustrations about too many envelopes....
    Hmmm hearing once in 6 months isnt really my piece of cake to be honest.
    And yes. Your 10 year old niece rocks big time. I often wonder where they put all the missing letters. And nope...i dont undrrstand that letters overseas get lost either....grrrrr.

    But high five. My letter arrived. Pfew!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Notepads are a great idea. I need to look for more notepads then--take that letter sets and your too many envelopes!

      HOORAY! Your wonderfully woodland-themed envelope arrived! I didn't need to threaten the mail person after all....

      Delete
  6. Having survived the threat of being buried alive by the huge pile of incoming letters that sat around our house I am glad to see you are pretty much caught up. I can finally have my wife back for a while which is awesome cause hugging the letter writing robot that replaced you was just was not the same.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awww poor Darcy! In my last letter to Laura (that she hasn't received yet - oh no, more incoming letters!) I asked her how you were coping with her new mania! :D

      Delete
    2. Don't feel sorry for him! He likes robots! He secretly wishes that I would be replaced with a stepford wife robot--one who actually laughs at his bad jokes. OH! :D

      Delete
  7. I like to take 2 envelopes and hinge them together to form a book and them send out randomness to the penpals. Plus you can use the inside as creative space. Still, I also have too many envies. Sometimes I donate them to my friend for art and craft projects with kids or seniors.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Those are both great ideas for envelopes! Do you have a tutorial for how you hinge the envelopes together?

      Delete
  8. I have nothing to add to the envelope debacle, but I can say that I saw my name in the outgoing. HUZZAH!

    I can't wait to hear from yinz. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm pleased and excited that you found me! Especially since I know you're all drunk on the pheromones of hot Virginia truckers.... ;) HUZZAH!

      Delete
  9. The best part with giving away your thoughts is that I don't remember thinking them and then I read what you're saying and think, like, wow, that makes so much sense. I feel like I should've thought about that or optionally, wow, did she read my mind.

    "Hey guys! This letter Botz has evolved. It can read minds now! Quick, get your foil hats out, we got a live one over here!"

    [this is why I should give the crazy ones away and keep the even remotely normal ones to myself... Oh well, just let me know if you need any more!!}

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Have you been thinking about frozen yogurt by chance? Because there I was, just minding my own business, and then BOOM! I was hit by this all-consuming desire for frozen yogurt. I have no explanation for this, other than the fact that you were thinking it and made me think it.

      And oh no, you don't want to encourage people to wear foil hats. Foil hats actually amplify the mind-reading/thought transfer process and I don't want to know why my neighbour likes to think about camels rolling around in whipped cream. UGH! I like to be *selective* about the minds I read....

      Delete
  10. I don't get why there are 20 million envelopes in a letter set. I have a drawer packed with extra envelopes. I'll never need to buy one again!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hahaha! Laura! You always manage to make me start all of my comments here with "hahaha!". If you could hear me laugh, you'd also hear something that sounds like a snore, but it's not; it's just that my laughter sucks.

    I totally agree on the number of envelopes they put in letter sets. It's cool when they let you choose the number you want (I've seen one etsy seller who does that). So far, I haven't tried using any envelope as toiler paper and/or face cleanser, but thanks for giving me the idea! Now every time I'm left with extra envelopes I'm going to think about that, haha. Oh, and every time I see a cucumber, it'll remind me of you, too, hahaha!

    I can't wait to get that adorable envelope addressed to me! Yay! And if you ever wait for a reply from me for over a month, I'd say it's because it got lost somewhere. I sent 3 packages to a friend in Argentina and she has received none! :( I'm so pissed! The last one was sent with signature and is still not Buenos Aires, so I have hope, but man! It was expensive! :/

    I gotta borrow that turkey joke of yours ;). I'll use it in one of those awkward moments during the Thanksgiving dinner when I'm sitting next to someone who doesn't talk to me and I need to break the ice, ha.

    Tight hugs, Laura! You rock!!! Thanks for always making me smile! ;D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And that Etsy seller would be meeeeeeee! :)

      Delete